Pacifiers and Security Blankets

The two key concerns parents have about their child's use of a pacifier, security blanket, or other such item. At what age does the child's attachment to the object become inappropriate? And why does the child become attached to the object in the first place?

Let's start with the second question. The answer is simple. Pacifiers, security blankets, and other such items are stress reducers. It feels good to suck on the rubber nipple, to rub the soft material across one's cheek, etc., and that good feeling has a wonderfully calming effect. Of course, that spawns a side question. Why does a young child need a stress reducer?

The fact of the matter is that we all need stress reducers in our lives. We tend to think of stress in terms of major problems, such as being under a tight deadline at work, going through a messy divorce, being diagnosed with a serious illness, etc. But life is filled with all sorts of small stress-inducing events and requirements that add up over the course of the day.

Consequently, we all find ways to soothe ourselves. We may find a quiet place to meditate, go for a workout at the gym, imbibe a martini, sneak outside for a cigarette, or pay a visit to our therapist. And at the end of the day, when we need to relax so we can fall asleep, we may watch an entertaining television show, read an interesting book, or spend quality time with our significant other.

Parents can not and should not expect that they will be able to eliminate their child's stress entirely. What they can and should do is wait for the child to reach developmental levels where other stress-reducing alternatives become possible, and then encourage the child to pursue those. Keep in mind that things as simple as acknowledging your feelings and talking about them, getting some exercise by riding your bike around the block, reading a fascinating story, or even creating a delightful daydream, is largely beyond the capacity of a two or three-year-old.

Regrettably, this often results in quick and drastic action involving criticism of the child and/or forced removal of the pacifier or security blanket. The child's attachment to the item then becomes a major "issue" and the source of continuous power struggles. This is not simply unpleasant, it is also unproductive as it generates considerably more stress for everyone.

By Michael K. Meyerhoff Ed.D. Click here to read it all.